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Kevin, Paul, Gordon, and Fernando have had a passion that they have pursued for twenty-three years of their lives. They have a passion to pursue the highest levels of excellence…in a world far, far away.
In the real world, they don’t have much in the way of lives. Kevin works as a singer for customized children’s song CDs, regaling small children with how special they are. Girls like Chandra Shakar and boys like Dick (who’s song includes such classic lines as, “Wake up, Dick, God made a brand new day” and “Mornings with my little Dick are my favorite time of day…”) can hum along to specially ordered melodies with their names in it. Gordon works for a cable access channel, panning and zooming to keep himself from getting bored during local bingo games and town counsel meetings. Paul works for a phone exchange, communicating between hearing and deaf phone users through a computer. Fernando works for Gordon’s father as a sperm extractor for race horses. (He masturbates horses so their seed can be inseminated into other horses for breeding.)
With these sorts of day jobs, they live for the time each weekend when they can play the Role Playing Game they started in High School: Demons, Nymphs, and Dragons. (The abbreviated version, “DND”, is an audible doppelganger of Dungeons & Dragons’ abbreviation, “D&D”.) There they can explore a world that allows them to use their minds and be creative. The only problem is that they are not alone in this pursuit. Through the years, they’ve added and lost players from the group. Five years ago, they lost a slightly insane player named Johnny when he was sent to prison after trying to stab a woman in the line at the DMV with a pocket knife. To fill the gap, they added Reese, a completely inept cubicle-living office drone who creates female DND characters who have super-models’ names. Unfortunately, Reese is the most inept DND player on the planet, repeatedly sending his characters into harm’s way with no possible way of survival. As such, he’s killed so many characters in the five years he’s been playing that, when the names of his dead characters were put on a quilt, to quote Paul, “it had more names than the AIDS quilt.” Of course, Reese’s abysmal track record isn’t solely due to his blatant lack of wisdom. Kevin, the group’s Dungeon Lord, hates Reese with a passion and specifically creates monsters to kill off his characters.
As the movie opens (with awesome narration from famed voice actor, Michael Bell, I might add), we discover that, after 23 years of constant play, the four main characters have the chance to win the world record for most hours played of DND. While they don’t win anything more than a mention on DragonLover’s website, they will finally feel as though their lives have meaning if they can only break the record.
As the movie continues, with a pseudo-documentary feel, we see each of the players preparing for the record breaking gaming session that will make them legends in the minds of paper role players everywhere. Reese is overcoming his rage at Kevin for recently killing off his oldest player, Farrah. Meanwhile, Kevin picks up a specially made white, wizard’s robe, complete with a pointed white hat, from his African-American seamstress friend for the big event. Both believe he looks exactly like Gandalf, but viewers will realize quickly that he looks like a completely different Grand Wizard. (As the seamstress looks proudly at the costume she has made for her white friend, she proclaims that he looks both “noble” and “pure”.) Gordon tries to get his parents to go play Bunko with the neighbors and stop watching porn in the living room so that the game can be held at his house. Paul contemplates what the new African tribal name he will give a new character he plans to unveil at the night’s shindig. (Paul supports African tribal people with donations and by not swearing. He uses their names for his DND characters.) And Fernando discovers that his girlfriend is pregnant and tries to beat up the local cast of Jesus Christ Superstar to find out who the father is.
When they all finally show up at Gordon’s house, problems arise from all sides to keep them from completing their task. Only by keeping their eye on the prize will the foursome (plus Reese) be able to complete the night’s gaming session and take their rightful places in the annals of roleplaying history.
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